Marriage : Serious Mistakes Singles make when Looking for a LIFE PARTNER | Principles of Magnetizing Your Divine Spouse by Dr. D.K Olukoya

Serious Mistakes Singles make when Looking for a LIFE PARTNER

If there is one area where serious mistakes are made, it is in the area of the choice of the right partner in marriage. A lot of mistakes have been made. Frustrations are legion. Problems abound. Confusion is on the increase. The young and the growing grope in the dark without direction. There are bachelors and spinsters who have decided that they will no longer make any effort to find the right partner simply because they have made several mistakes. The mistakes of this generation are monumental. The more these mistakes are not arrested, the more there would be confusion in the Church. Therefore, we must identify the serious mistakes which singles make so that further occurrences would be averted.

Of course, it is important to identify the principles of discovering the right partner. But the first step we ought to take is to first deal with mistakes and clear the ground to enable those who are ready to follow God’s direction walk along the corridors of marriage without stumbling.

What then are these mistakes?

1. To believe that your age, look and income determine who you marry. This is a serious mistake. The Bible has rightly observed that man looketh at the outward appearance.

1Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

What many singles overlook is the fact that the spiritual determine the physical. When you focus your attention on the physical, you will end up making a serious mistake.

Your age and physical outlook does not really play any role in your marriage.

Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder.

Nobody is really ugly. It depends on what you are looking at. Every man is handsome and every woman is beautiful. As far as I am concerned I am yet to see an ugly born again sister. I am yet to see an ugly born again brother. Even if people say you were ugly before, when the beauty of Christ comes upon you, you will begin to radiate the glory of God. I wish our bachelors and spinsters can allow God to open their eyes. They will discover to their amazement that being beautiful or being termed as ugly does not determine anything. As long as you have become a new creature in Christ, you are nothing but a beauty to behold. No wonder, the Bible says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Psalm 139:14

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

When you look into the mirror what do you see? Beauty or ugliness? If all you can see is an ugly picture, you are looking at the wrong mirror. You are beautiful or handsome enough as a bachelor or spinster to be attracted to your God given partner. Beloved sister, do not make yourself cheap simply because you think you are ugly. Beloved brother, do not make yourself a beggar because people in your work place are telling you that you are not handsome. As a creature of God, when you radiate the glory of God your beauty will come to the fore. Don’t let people’s viewpoint about your physical appearance push you into errors.

• Idols in the heart. One of the greatest hindrances to efforts towards finding the right partner can be traced to idols that can be found in the hearts of those who are praying for a life partner. It is indeed strange that the idols referred to here are not found in some remote villages. The idols are found in the hearts of God’s children.

Ezekiel 14:1-7

Then came certain of the elders of Israel unto me, and sat before me. And the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be enquired of at all by them? Therefore speak unto them, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Every man of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to the prophet; I the LORD will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols; That I may take the house of Israel in their own heart, because they are all estranged from me through their idols. Therefore say unto the house of Israel, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Repent, and turn yourselves from your idols; and turn away your faces from all your abominations. For every one of the house of Israel, or of the stranger that sojourneth in Israel, which separateth himself from me, and setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to a prophet to enquire of him concerning me; I the LORD will answer him by myself:

Idols in the heart! What a strange phenomenon!! Simply put, an idol is something that competes with God in your life. An idol can be described as anything you set up knowingly or inadvertently to take the place of the Almighty. God had a controversy with the children of Israel. They set up idols in their hearts and put stumbling blocks that hindered them from making progress. Strange enough, these set of people went to God with the pretext of finding out His will.

Beloved, whenever you spend several months or even years trying to find out God’s will in marriage, it could bean indication of the fact that some hidden idols are in place. Those who go to God with resident idols in their hearts may keep on battling with confusion as God has promised that He would answer them according to the multitudes of the idols in their heart. If you begin to pray after you have created a fixed picture of whom you want to marry in your heart, you may end up with terrible mistakes.

Beloved, the truth is that what you want might not be what you need. Again what you need might not be what you want. There is nowhere in the scriptures where God has promised that He will give you the idols in your heart. If God were to do that, you will soon become an idol worshipper. What God owes you

is the husband or the wife that will complement you.

My counsel for those who are looking for a perfect marriage is to go to the cemetery. It is not wise to give God too many parameters. Most of the time, when God brings two people together, the two of them are never exactly the same stereotype. For example, the husband may be an impulsive giver while the wife is a bit cautious in giving. When God brings these somewhat opposing types together, it is because God wants to strike a balance in the home.

The ideal marriage can be likened to a pendulum that swings to the right and left. God will surely not bring two talkatives together. Unless, they will talk until a fight breaks up. Idols are truly idols. If you were to be asked what you really want, you are likely to desire a carbon copy of your character. But, God knows that things do not work that way. Any idol set up in the heart cannot fulfill the divine purpose. If there is any idol in your heart you need to pray that God should break it down.

When God opens your eyes you will discover that the idols in your heart are extremely ugly. You will eventually discover the fine face, the hot legs, the sexy shape, or the ability to speak queen’s English are not enough to give you a good home. The danger of this mistake is that God has decided that as long as you have idols in your heart you will be given an answer that suits you, even if you approach the best prophets in the land.

You must destroy the altar of your personal idols if you want God to bring His will to pass in your life. Beloved, you have pampered your idols for too long. Pack the idols together and set fire on them. Allow God to lead, counsel and guide you according to His perfect will. Keeping idols in your heart is a serious mistake that will take you nowhere.

• Sex outside marriage. This is one area where singles make grievous mistakes and the consequences are tragic. Many singles, in the name of looking for a life partner, have sold their virtues on the altar of cheap sex. God has established sex only within the bonds of Holy matrimony. Any form of sex outside marriage will lead to disappointments even if it is done as a form of compromise in order to buy favour from a would be marriage partner. As long as you allow your body to become an entertainment to someone who is not

your husband or wife, you have fallen from divine favour and you are going farther away from the grace and power of God. Anytime you get involved with sex outside marriage you are selling off your self respect.

Beloved, any man or woman that you come across and he or she does not want to wait for marriage before sex is not a believer but a sex addict. For some people, the kind of terrible covenants or curses operating in their lineage is that immediately they allow a man/lady to sleep with them, the person will automatically run away. Unknown to such people, the enemy has put something terrible in their lives and immediately someone commits sexual immorality with them, the evil deposit will chase the person away for life. The only way such people can get married is to avoid sex before marriage. When spinsters and bachelors are given godly principles to live by it is for their benefits. For example the Bible says, “Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled.”

Hebrew 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Many people have fallen into this error and immediately they land in the enemy’s trap any effort made to get married ends in futility. You need to go through deliverance and pray for mercy if you are involved in this error. For some people to be free they need to lay their hands on their womb or perhaps on their reproductive organs and command whatever demon has been hiding there to come out and be destroyed. Beloved, each time you are warned to avoid sex outside marriage, it is for your own good. The violation of God’s word will not only bring complications into your life, it may issue a license to stubborn powers from your father’s or mother’s house who are looking for ways of hindering you from getting married. This serious mistake must be avoided like a plague.

• Spiritual ignorance. This is another major mistake people make. A lot of Christian who are unaware of deep areas of spiritual warfare experience complications each time they want to get married. A lot of born again Christian know nothing about what we call spiritual marriage. When you are ignorant of the fact that it is possible to be married in the spiritual realm you will suffer the consequences of attacks from jealous and powerful spirit husbands and wives. The spirit wife and spirit husband phenomenon is real. Some of our good looking sisters have been given in marriage by powerful

idols in their family.

Here, the concept of spirit husband and wife is not clear to many people. When you have dreams of getting married repeatedly in the dream or dreams of nurturing children, some form of spiritual marriage is in place. I put it to you, beloved, that anybody who usually has sex in the dream and when he or she wakes up feels sexually aroused is in one form of spiritual marriage or the other. As long as that spiritual marriage remains operational in your life, physical marriage will become an uphill task.

Spiritual spouses, be they male or female are extremely jealous. A lady who has a spiritual husband will not find it easy to get a suitor, even when such a lady claims to be born again. If as a spinster you claim that you are engaged to a particular brother and such a brother has a wife and children in the spiritual realm, there will be multiple mysterious problems in that relationship. Unfortunately several ladies are married to water spirit. Some men are also married to local spiritual wives. Such powers will always place evil marks on them.

Beloved, never take anything for granted. Go for deliverance. Cancel every marital contract with spiritual wives or husband. If there are children in the spiritual realm, such demonic children must be set ablaze.

My heart is touched by the plight of several brothers and sisters from Pentecostal background, who have grappled continuously with inability to get married. The only solution for such people is throwaway the garment of spiritual ignorance and come out from the school of error. If such people must discover their God-given partners and get married with ease, spirit husbands and wives must be divorced.

• Being unequally yoked with unbelievers. The scriptures is very clear. God’s commandments are very plain. Any form of violation will land you in serious mistakes. Light and darkness can never mix. Nobody can eat from the table of the devil and get away with it. If God is truly your Heavenly Father you have nothing to do with sons and daughters of the devil. It is a serious error to go into the camp of the enemy to pick a wife or a husband.

Unfortunately today, the church has become worldly and the world has become

churchy. The church and the world have met in the same corridor when it comes to choosing a life partner. Some have actually gone into the world to bring men or ladies into the church with an eye on getting married to them. Beloved, you are on your own if you are making up your mind to spend the rest of your life with an unbeliever. To be quite honest with you, some unbelievers are very smart. When they are desperate about getting married to you, they are ready to follow you to the church and adapt to your so-called Christian lifestyle. Such adaptations are fake.

God has declared ‘Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.’

2 Corinthian 6:14

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

If you voluntarily put yourself under the same yoke with a lady or a man, from the kingdom of darkness, the yoke may keep you inside a cage, as long as you live. Let me amuse you at this point. If a monkey is clutching a useless object and you offer it some good looking bananas, the monkey will drop the objects in order to obtain the banana. By the time the monkey has succeeded, it will ever remain a monkey. May God help you not to make the mistake of getting married to a monkey.

Are you presently yoked with an unbeliever? Run out of the yoke as far as your legs can carry you. If you stay a day longer under the yoke, you may never come out of it.

• Consulting the enemy over the choice of marriage. Beloved, the enemy has no free gift. When you go to the altar of the devil to find out who to get married to, you will land yourself in trouble. The word of God is clear.

Deuteronomy 18:10-12

There shall not be found among you any one maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer. For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

Isaiah 47: 13

Thou art wearied in the multitude of thy counsels. Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee.

When it comes to the issue of finding a partner, many bachelors and spinsters have been involved with consulting astrologers. Some have consulted witches. Occult people will give you prophecy that will destroy your marital destiny. False prophets will lead you into error.

Recently, a woman came to me with a list of names of six men and their dates of birth. She wanted me to pray for her daughter who wanted to know which of the six men she should get married to. A lot of mothers and parents are fond of going to several places in order to find out, spiritually, the person who will make a good husband and wife. In the process, many family members have taken the cases of God’s children to terrible place.

I simply told the woman that I don’t need such a list and that she should only come to see me with her daughter. At that point the woman volunteered an interesting information. “Man of God, we have actually consulted a prophet who told us that the first man on the list is okay. I only need a confirmation from you”. I insisted that I do not confirm such things and that her daughter should be brought to me compulsorily.

When the daughter eventually came, I asked her probing questions. I asked whether she knew the six men facially? She said yes. When I asked to know how many of the six men she had probably slept with, her response shocked me. The daughter told me she had slept with all the six men. At that point I faced the mother and told her that it was her daughter who needed attention and not the six men.

Beloved no true prophet will act as a rubber stamp and confirm names that have been taken to several places. To be very sincere with you there is no good prophet that would say ‘This person is bad or that person is good.’ Only God has the final say. Nobody has right to say that a particular lady or man is good or bad.

I counsel every bachelor or spinster reading this book to be wary of parental interference in their choice in the area of marriage.

Desperate parents are prepared to go anywhere. This will lead to spiritual contamination and confusion. The devil has no useful information for you. Divination or sorcery may offer you privileged information. If you accept such an offer you have placed your marriage on the altar of darkness.

• Thinking that seduction can give you quick marriage. The Bible is against every form of using subtlety to get what you want. Seduction has always been a cheap tool in the hand of the devil. Ladies who believe that they can get what they want through seduction are busy falling into terrible errors. It is a terrible mistake when daughters of Zion voluntarily demote themselves to the status of daughters of seduction.

Isaiah 3:16-24

Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet: Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon, The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers, The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings, The rings, and nose jewels, The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins, The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails. And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

Above are instruments of seduction. The art of seduction can only seduce the wrong men. Only God can lead you to the man or woman he has ear marked for you. There is no plan for the fulfillment of your destiny that thrives on the use of the weapon of seduction.

What happens when ladies follow the path of seduction is that they are attracted to the good, the bad and the ugly. Some ladies boast saying “I don’t have any problem with the right choice. I know how to use the weapon of seduction. When I’m through with my dressing, I can attract any man.” Such ladies buy the latest dresses in town, practice exquisite walking steps and learn how to wink at men by watching Hollywood movies. I stand to be corrected, seduction has never helped anyone to obtain the ideal partner in marriage. Let me ask you a very sincere question here. Can you say that you have truly attracted the man of your dream with your seductive moves?

As a matter of fact, if you are a lady who has allowed the devil to make you a cheap tool in the area of seduction, serious men will label you as a cheap girl. You must learn how to conduct yourself as a dignified daughter of Zion. When you respect yourself, decent men will respect you. The truth about men is that they avoid cheap girls like a plague. Real men are not looking for so called models to marry. If you seduce a man, be sure that the same man could be seduced away from you by the next available seducer.

• Ignoring foundational powers. One of the greatest problems which men and women are struggling with today is the problem of foundational bondage. Some sisters who have not been able to get married for quite a long time are simply good looking, well behaved and focused. When you come across some ladies who carry the burden placed on their lives by anti-marriage forces, you might shake your head in wonder. Ladies that are not as eligible as they are get married effortlessly. Anti-marriage foundational powers are wicked. The moment you have such a problem in your foundation as a lady, efforts’ made by you may not yield any tangible result.

Being a victim of anti-marriage forces is bad enough. Making up your mind to ignore such a problem is tragic. If you have studied your family line and discovered that marriages do not work, you need to double your prayer efforts.

Ezekiel 18:2

What mean ye, that ye use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge?

If terrible foundational powers have targeted every marriage in your family line and you fail to do anything about it, you will remain in the woods as far as the journey of marriage is concerned. Never compare the journey of your marriage with any other persons. Brothers and sisters who are getting married with ease may not have such challenges. You need to undertake a spiritual survey of your own family background. When you detect the presence of terrible anti-marriage forces, you need to seriously break curses and covenants and bring out your marital destiny from the evil communal umbrella.

Going about everything in the area of marriage in a business as usual fashion when there are terrible powers to contend with is being simplistic. Until you deal with foundational powers, things will continue to go the wrong way as far as your marital efforts are concerned.

Foundational anti-marriage forces are stubborn powers. They must be dealt with, by holy aggression, if you are a victim of such powers in your foundation.

You may have to go through multiple deliverance sessions in order to deal decisively with the foundational powers which you have ignored for too long a time. When such powers are ignored in the area of marriage, they end up perpetrating untold damages. No wonder, there are terrible complexities in the lives of a good number of spinsters and bachelors. The power you have ignored are the same powers that are torturing your marital destiny. Such powers must be dealt with.

• The error of running faster than God. The secret of success in this regard lies in making God your partner. To make the partnership work, you should not lag behind neither should you run faster than God. Unnecessary anxiety will only end up in regrets and confusion. The Bible says.

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

If there is ail area that needs caution and attention, it is the journey towards marriage. Beloved, you may succeed in jumping into marriage but you may not succeed in jumping out. You can run into marriage but once it is contracted, running out of it may be impossible. A lot of singles are joining the rat race

because they feel that those who are younger than them are already married.

Beloved it is not how fast or how far. It is how well.

Ecclesiastes 9:11

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, not the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Let us learn a lesson from the physical race. The first man or woman to dash forward may not necessarily , win the race. Often times, the sports man who appears to be gaining speed initially may fall and drop out before hitting the finish line. It is better to marry later and be happy than to marry early and remain unhappy for the rest of your life. Slow and steady the say wins the race. Don’t be faster than God. Keep the same pace with your maker. Allow Him to guide your steps steadily until He leads you to your place of marital breakthroughs.

1. To ignore prayer as a weapon of marital connection. Prayer is the only link between you and God. Any marriage contracted outside the realm of prayer lacks any form of spiritual insurance. Prayer places your marital journey in the hands of the Almighty. Prayer is the ladder that links man’s insufficiency with divine sufficiency. Prayer is the power that jump starts you and enables you to have a smooth ride to the land of marital success.

Prayer is not only a weapon. It is a great weapon. To be rightly connected, you need prayer. Your link to your marital fortune resides in prayer. If you have tried every other method and failed, try prayer. When you ignore prayer, you have ignored the only life line given to mankind by God. This is a serious mistake. It is against the divine order. It can be likened to putting your life in your own hands. It is an insult against the Almighty.

To ignore prayer is to forfeit a godly and glorious marriage. To ignore prayer is to ignore your only weapon of victory on the field of marital battles. To ignore prayer is to welcome confusion and embrace defeat. To ignore the only link between you and a successful marriage is to turn yourself to a magician who can fix things without God. This mistake is monumental. It can be tagged the mother of all mistakes.

You can make use of all the methods prescribed in the world. You can make all available efforts. The moment you ignore prayer, you have obtained your score sheet. It will be failure from the beginning to the end. To minimise prayer is to maximise your troubles. To ignore prayer is to ignore the angel of your marital breakthroughs. This is a great error. You may attend all forms of match making seminars. You may even attend social programmes set up in several places to bring so called Christian singles together. The moment you ignore prayer, you are ready for a harvest of confusion, inability to get married and broken courtships. Beloved, these errors must be avoided. If you are caught with the mistakes listed in this chapter, the only way out is to jump out of them. You cannot place one leg in the school of errors and another leg in the school of spiritual guidance and expect a good result.

Prayer Points

1. I reclaim all the ground I have lost to the enemy, in the name of Jesus.

• Let the blood of Jesus speak against every power working against my marriage.

• I apply the blood of Jesus to remove all consequences of evil operations and oppression, in Jesus’ name.

• I break the binding effect of anything evil ever put upon me from any source, in the name of Jesus.

• I remove the right of the enemy to afflict my plan to get married, in the name of Jesus.

• I break every bondage of inherited marital confusion, in the name of Jesus

• I bind and plunder the goods of every strongman attached to my marriage, in the name of Jesus.

• Let the angels of the living God roll away the stone blocking my marital breakthrough, in Jesus’ name.

• Let God arise and let all the enemies of my marital breakthrough be scattered, in the name of Jesus

1. Let the fire of God melt away the stones hindering my marital blessing, in the mighty name of Jesus.

1. Let the cloud blocking the sunlight of my marital breakthrough be dispersed, in Jesus’ name.

1. Let all evil spirits masquerading to trouble my marital life, be bound, in the name of Jesus

1. Lord, let wonderful changes be my lot this year.

1. Lord, turn away all that would jilt, disappoint or fail me, in the name of Jesus.

1. Any power standing against my marriage, be consumed by fire, in the name of Jesus.

1. Father, reveal to me your choice for my life, in the name of Jesus.

1. Father, introduce me to my partner, in the name of Jesus.

1. Holy Ghost, dress me and make me acceptable to my partner, in the name of Jesus.

1. I confess that I am loveable, in the name of Jesus.

• I declare that I am honourable and undefiled among my peers, in the name of Jesus.

• Holy Ghost, crown my head and life with divine glory, in the name of Jesus.

• Any tongue speaking against me when I am being considered by my partner, be silenced now, in the name of Jesus.

• I declare that I shall not miss my season of marriage, in the name of Jesus.

• I prophesy that I am the delight of my partner, in the name of Jesus.

• Holy Ghost, shut the mouth of anyone speaking against me now, in the name of Jesus.

• I prophesy that my courtship will lead to marriage and I shall be fruitful, in the name of Jesus.

• I close any door that I have opened to the devil through my confessions and past actions, in the name of Jesus.

• Lord Jesus, wash me from the impurity and stigma of the past, in the name of Jesus.

• You gates and everlasting doors, resisting my marital breakthrough, be lifted and be uprooted, in the name of Jesus. life, in the name of Jesus.

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